My reveries of you..

15th July 2009

~i never knew that a simple dare was all it took for me to actually get to know him.yea i'd admit that my pride would normally be that stern barrier in not letting me embarrass myself till i had a permanent fish swimming above my head the entire period of add maths that day..but hey, as i pondered on it a while later all i could think was Carpe Diem.live life to the fullest even if it means doing crazy things like accepting dares..after all,i do crazy things in school everyday that i myself am amazed i could actually pull of such things.woots.

11th August 2009

~ i warned myself not to be hasty..after that last relationship i din wan to get involved with someone that quickly as i had learned my stupid but painful lesson..the entire half of 2009 was a change for me without my ex and i actually enjoyed this new found freedom.yet he was different.he did and said things in a way i never knew cud exist in a guy that wud normally think otherwise.it was puzzling how he thought of things and i wud have given anything to get into his mind to see exactly what was the reason he thought of things that way..

28th August 2009

~i gave myself that sparkle of hope from what he said that night in our nightly smses..i constantly smacked myself thinking what a total classic high skul girl i was.the ones we see in movies where they pluck innocent flowers and prance around going he loves me, he loves me not.like get a life.i know.he never failed to amuse me and for the first time i could actually talk to a guy so openly that i poured out everything to him.from family problems to health conditions to even silly dreams.i wouldn't normally be so open and instead be as closed and warped up in my own troubles that my friends in skul knew better than to stay away for fear i blow up like an errupting volcano.this change in me frightened me and for the first time i was blown away.what was it about this guy that could do this???

13th September 2009

~ i was shocked to the core...i now confirmed that he,Calvin Wong was like no other..todays the day he actually confessed on how he felt for me.after the months of me prodding him to reveal that secret,the one i simply thought was something he was too polite to say for fear i take it to heart like to use me as a tool or something yet now this was a whole new ball game..i admit i have very low self confidence to the point (till now) that i couldn't and wouldn't believe the fact like a guy like him would have feelings for me.yet that wasn't just the most surprising thing.the fact that he didn't ask for a relationship was what caught me off guard.its basic common sense that once a guy likes a girl and if the girl does too then they go into couple bubble mode with that all new renewed social status.not him.he was willing to put his feelings aside to ensure that both of us would not be affected in any way so that we would be well prepared for our SPM examination this year.that fear of being confined back into that bird cage i was in with my ex was ridiculous..he gave me all the freedom i needed yet was always my comfort i turn to at any time of the day or night.he always seemed to be there regardless the time like the angel that protected me silently but never left my side..

28th October 2009

~ i was actually afraid of taking that walk with him.it was my decision actually as i had chosen to be with him in the same seminar class(and thank god!!)and as SPM was heading straight for us,kasturi was coming to an end.an end i hoped would not affect the both of us in the sense that we would never see each other again.yet again i was taken by surprise.i've never felt more comfortable with him as we walked the streets in petaling street.felt that inner happiness.the one i tot went dead a long time ago...

10 December 2009

~it's been 2 days since i just finished my SPM examination.i just encountered what i hated the most.to cry yet again over another guy the night before.was i too gullible in believing that he could really wan to be with me?

10 December 2009, 10.49am.

~all has cleared now..but am i willing to give him the answer he wanted?i never wanted to cry for another guy for the rest of my life.and yet i did.the pain that i had felt over that encounter was a fresh one.yet it was as if with that sms i got that moment seemed to melt away whatever pain i had the night before..he said he didnt wan to miss this fate that had brought us together and now though i was hesitant,i left it up to God and gave him that chance..

14 December 2009

~the way is clear now..i'm glad i gave him that chance..he's now all i ever wanted.and its amazing how i can be happy even from a single text message that reads those 3 words.

i.love.you.

from the minute i said yes,i've never wanted anything more but to change myself for the better to be with you.you mean a lot to me and i'll never ever regret saying this..

Calvin Wong Yeong Seng,

i LOVE you.i truly do.deeply,crazily,head over heels,madly but yes.i do.

whatever simple things u may do,or say it means evrything to me and my only hope would be for us to be together for as long as we can be..though you may always say you're sorry for not being there for me but in truth you are.you'll never leave my side in my times of need and i hope to do the same for you.to always be with you in your times of happiness or sadness..i dont want to be just that someone in terms of being there when u rejoice but leaving you to suffer on your own when you're down and unwell.you always seem to noe the right words to say in whatever situation that i always cheer up right away.you don't make me feel slighted at all and you've never hurt me like ive been in the past with your understanding and love.and only YOU can have this magical ability to always make me feel so protected,cared for and loved..

once you've read this i hope u now know and belive how i truly feel about you..no matter the time,the season,in whatever craziest way it may seem..

i.love.you.